I have no idea what happened last class...I was just trying to keep from falling over in pain, I did the motions, but I was completely out of it. It was nice to see that people were concerned. I mean I must've looked crazy!!! Oh well, that's really what happens about 3 times a month every month. I HATE MY OVARIES, i really do. If it wasnt for the hormone pills and extensive surgery I would definitely end my reproductive cycle. I dont wanna have kids. And if I change my mind later about it, there are so many children that I could just adopt, right? I have this conversation with myself monthly, what a waste of my time.
I think I'm getting better at the dances, I definitely took advantage of Erich's video and practiced the dance over break. I cannot coordinate the hand movements successfully with the steps, but with time. I also suck at the mudras. I should look at those some more.
I spent my break at home in NOVA sitting in my sister's bed reading article after article for class. I took breaks periodically to watch tv online, but that was pretty much it. Then Erich and I went to nyc for some spring break fun, where through rain, freezing temperatures and gale force winds, we managed to have the best time! It's so nice when your old friends like your new friends. I really wanna move to nyc and live with my old friends so we can make new friends together.
My family has ruined NoVA-DC for me. There's no possible way I can live with them again, I just hate how I have to change who I am in order to be close to them. It's so sad that my telling the truth or being open will put distance between us as opposed to the constant lying or withholding of information which is necessary in order for us to feign some semblance of family unity.
If my father yelled, then the exchange we had on Sunday could be described as a screaming match. There was definitely one going on in my head. You know that feeling you get when something is really important to you and someone you care about is being ignorant or negative about it and you just wish they could understand but the frustration makes it impossible to speak without yelling or getting angry which makes it hard to get your point across coherently? I think its called rage...
Why am I so reluctant to share???????? I only ever scratch the surface. I dont think I'm ready to do it, and that's really what I wanted out of this class. To do more than scratch the surface to be able to open myself up in a way that I wasn't able to do before. Even though I'm experiencing a new mode of expression through dance and meditation, I feel like that's something that I've always liked and wanted to do, a challenge, but one that I've been able to embrace. It's like writing down how I actually feel about personal situations makes them real. More real than talking about them. Why is that? I guess I should stop rambling and figure it out so I can actually have a meaningful post.
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